TOLL NEW ZEALAND HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING COMPLICIT IN A VAST CURRY SMUGGLING OPERATION, WITH ROOTS STRETCHING ALL THE WAY BACK TO RAJ PATEL OF DAAWAT CURRYSERVICES, AFTER EYEWITNESS REPORTS CLAIMED THAT THE "CHEMICAL SPILL" ON THE INTERISLAND FERRY ARATERE WAS ACTUALLY A VAST SPILL OF VINDALOO EXPRESS.

"I SAW THE LEAK AND IT WAS DEFINITELY VINDALOO EXPRESS!" CLAIMS PETE BLACK, CURRY WATCHDOG SPOKESMAN. "I'D KNOW THAT SMELL ANYWHERE. I WAS AN ADDICT ONCE YOU KNOW! PEOPLE WERE BOATING OUT TO GET SOME FROM THE SPILL FOR THEMSELVES, BUT THEN THE CURRYCOPTER CAME AND KILLED THEM ALL! IT'S A VAST COVERUP BY RAJ PATEL, I EVEN HAVE RECEIPTS SHOWING HE RENTED THE CURRYCOPTER TODAY!"

"HE'S TALKING BOLLOCKS AGAIN" SAYS RAJ PATEL. "THE CURRYCOPTER WAS AWAY ASSISTING WITH THE NEW CURRY WELL OFF THE COAST. IT COULD PRODUCE 20 MILLION BARRELS OF PRIME CHICKEN KORMA, AND WE ALL KNOW HOW CHICKEN KORMA HAS BEEN IN SUCH POOR SUPPLY RECENTLY!"

"VINDALOO EXPRESS IS ILLEGAL HERE IN THE SOUTH ISLAND YOU KNOW" SAYS "NED" OF BLENHEIM. "IT KILLED EVERYONE HERE EXCEPT THE OLD LADIES IN PICTON, WHO SEEM TO THRIVE ON IT FOR SOME REASON!".

SO, ARE THE OLD LADIES IN PICTON THE EVENTUAL MARKET FOR A VAST CURRY SMUGGLING OPERATION? WHERE WAS THE CURRYCOPTER TODAY? AND WHO KNEW YOU COULD DRILL FOR CURRY? FIND OUT TODAY AT http://hotteenvindaloos.com !

Currymails are sent on Wednesday mornings to people on the curry list at Catalyst, to encourage people to order a curry for lunch. I wrote this one, sometimes other people will write them. These are completely outrageous and not meant to be taken seriously.